Study Reveals Autism Cure: Punching RFK Jr. in the Face
autism cure is surprisingly simple
A joint study out of Shangri-La Polytechnic Institute and the University of Atlantis-Brigadoon has concluded that no cases of autism persist after patients punch Robert F. Kennedy Jr. in the face. We do not suggest people punch RFK Jr. without his consent. However, we do feel confident, given his passion for curing autism, he will be eager to be punched in the face and will welcome being punched by any who ask for his permission to punch him in his face to effectuate this cure.
The specific mechanism of action that underlies the curing of autism post RFK-Jr.-face-punch is not yet understood by science, but the conclusion could not be more clear: no one who has punched RFK Jr. in the face has autism. No one. There is not one recorded case of autism in anyone who has punched RFK Jr. in the face. Not a single one.
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100% cure rates are unusual in medicine, to be sure, and this instance of punching RFK Jr. in the face having such dramatic results further solidifies RFK Jr.’s special status for the autism community and their families.
It is too soon to say whether the Secretary of Health and Human Services will tour the country administering the cure by having people with autism punch him in the face repeatedly this year, or if he will start such an altruistic tour early next year.
While RFK Jr. may face side-effects of this treatment, everything from ocular fracture, concussion and brain hemorrhage, those side effects likely pale in comparison to the satisfaction and joy he’ll get curing autism one slug at a time. Side-effects for people on the autism spectrum after punching RFK Jr. in the face so far seem limited to only occasional mild hand discomfort, epidermal chaffing and euphoria.
Given this stunning and certain cure for autism, future research in the spirit of RFK Jr.’s quest to alleviate autism is now pivoting to prevention: specifically, finding out whether circumcising individual Tylenol capsules will reduce the likelihood of later autism diagnoses.
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© Copyright October 13, 2025, David August, all rights reserved davidaugust.com
David August is an award-winning actor, acting coach, writer, director, and producer. He plays a role in the movie Dependent’s Day, and after its theatrical run, it’s now out on Amazon (affiliate link). He has appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live on ABC, on the TV show Ghost Town, and many others. His artwork has been used and featured by multiple writers, filmmakers, theatre practitioners, and others to express visually. Off-screen, he has worked at ad agencies, start-ups, production companies, and major studios, helping them tell stories their customers and clients adore. He has guest lectured at USC’s Marshall School of Business about the Internet.
