Acting

Professional Roles (stage)

David August

10 Mar 2026 — 1 min read

The Old Professional Roles Email Forward (with no insult meant, good intentions and tongue in cheek):

Producer:
• Leaps Tall Buildings In A Single Bound
• Is More Powerful Than A Locomotive
• Is Faster Than A Speeding Bullet
• Walks On Water
• Gives Policy To God

Director:
• Leaps Short Buildings In A Single Bound
• Is More Powerful Than A Switch Engine
• Is Just As Fast As A Speeding Bullet
• Walks On Water If The Sea Is Calm
• Talks With God

Playwright:
• Leaps Short Buildings With A Running Start
• Is Almost As Powerful As A Switch Engine
• Is Faster Than A Speeding BB
• Swims Well
• Is Occasionally Addressed By God

Actor:
• Makes High Marks On The Wall When Trying To Leap Buildings
• Is Run Over By Locomotives
• Can Sometimes Handle A Gun Without Inflicting Self-Injury
• Dog Paddles
• Talks To Animals

Technicians:
• Runs Into Buildings
• Recognizes Locomotives Two Out Of Three Times
• Is Not Issued Ammunition
• Can Stay Afloat With A Life Preserver
• Talks To Walls

Chorus member:
• Falls Over Doorsteps When Trying To Enter Buildings
• Says, "Look At The Choo-Choo!"
• Wets Self With A Water Pistol
• Plays In Mud Puddles
• Mumbles To Self

Stage Manager:
• Lifts Buildings And Walks Under Them
• Kicks Locomotives Off The Track
• Catches Speeding Bullets In Teeth And Eats Them
• Freezes Water With A Single Glance
• Is GOD

David August is an award-winning actor, acting coach, writer, director, and producer. He plays a role in the movie Dependent’s Day, and after its theatrical run, it’s now out on Amazon (affiliate link). He has appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live on ABC, on the TV show Ghost Town, and many others. His artwork has been used and featured by multiple writers, filmmakers, theatre practitioners, and others to express visually. Off-screen, he has worked at ad agencies, start-ups, production companies, and major studios, helping them tell stories their customers and clients adore. He has guest lectured at USC’s Marshall School of Business about the Internet.

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