Satire

President Gives Masterclass in Writing… Assaultive, Murderous Writing

David August

20 Nov 2025 — 3 min read

trump probably not telling students, "two students enter, one student leaves." (official White House photo by Shealah Craighead)

he is picking up the slack from our school's curricula

Trump called Democratic veterans’ advice to refuse unlawful orders "sedition," posting it’s "punishable by DEATH!" and "LOCK THEM UP??" in response to a Washington Examiner report. — Source links: https://trumpstruth.org/statuses/33937 https://trumpstruth.org/statuses/33935

The President has begun offering a masterclass in expository writing. What with the Department of Education being dissolved before our eyes, President Trump is doing us a favor, really.

Here's a transcript from an elementary school teacher supporting this presidential initiative with their students:

"Ok kids, when the President says, 'seditious behavior from traitors' what is the antecedent of 'traitors,' or who exactly is that collective noun referring to? That's right, Members of Congress. And what is the seditious behavior he is referring to? Yes, that's right too: encouraging soldiers not to follow illegal orders (like firing on civilians because he tells them too) that is the behavior he says is seditious, good work!

Now in the follow up post, 'seditious behavior, punishable by death!' he has concisely expressed what concept? That's close when you say he wants to go on a murder spree. You're almost there. But more precisely: he has in 5 words expressed that anyone who encourages the military to follow the law, even if it means disobeying him, should be killed. Really impressive concision. Such brevity. See kids, you've gotta speak (or write) clearly when it's a matter of life or death, and he's modeling that here for us very well."

Such clear writing being done at the highest levels of government sets a really good example for our school kids. Young minds absorb such instruction even better than adults' minds will. The President is clarifying how disputes can be handled with lethal force in an effective way. It's an invaluable lesson for young Americans.

Just as Members of Congress can better seek shelter from those the President sends to kill them when he speaks clearly about it beforehand, so too can school children across the country have a better chance to "run, hide, fight" when federal agents are sent to their school by the President to violently remove their teachers, classmates or even the student themselves.

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This isn't just about preparation for academic success, this is preparation for life, and simple survival. It is truly inspired leadership for the President to present such an exemplary example of violent political speech to the world. He has given us all, not just schoolchildren, a great chance to learn, and do things like expand our vocabularies so that we might use bloodthirsty words like "assassinative," "manslaughterous" and "regicidal" in our daily lives.

Under Secretary Robert Kennedy Jr.'s guidance at the Department of Health and Human Services, studies are being considered on whether it is more or less traumatic for children to have the violence they and their families are about to face articulated in advance. Some maintain it is healthier if violence comes as a total surprise, since it gives victim less time to react and which may make the aggressor less afraid. But experts already agree that it is far more polite to have a very clear statement of homicidal purpose made before the killing begins.

In unrelated foreign policy news, no word yet on whether the President plans to bomb Stockholm to encourage the Nobel Committee to reconsider their decision not to award him a Nobel Peace Prize.

David August is an award-winning actor, acting coach, writer, director, and producer. He plays a role in the movie Dependent’s Day, and after its theatrical run, it’s now out on Amazon (affiliate link). He has appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live on ABC, on the TV show Ghost Town, and many others. His artwork has been used and featured by multiple writers, filmmakers, theatre practitioners, and others to express visually. Off-screen, he has worked at ad agencies, start-ups, production companies, and major studios, helping them tell stories their customers and clients adore. He has guest lectured at USC’s Marshall School of Business about the Internet.